Two Parts of a Whole
by SemperSomnium
Summary: Light knows that L considers him to be a selfish, naive child playing at God. L knows that he likes to pretend to be selfless, but in actual fact he's such a selfish person. A bit of L/Light slash, but nothing major. A two-shot.
1. Part One

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Death Note.

**A/N: **This is Part One of a two-shot, the other part entitled 'Selfish'. It's already written and will be posted as chapter two of this story sometime in the next few days when I have the time. Part Two is slighty longer and has stronger slash overtones than this one, though it is briefly hinted at here. Chapter two will have its own warnings and authors notes. I really hope you enjoy this fic in its entirety, and in its single parts. Personally, I prefer the second half, but I do hope you like this part too!

**Warnings: **A single swear word (starting with 'c' and ending with 'rap'), and slightly hinted at slash of the L/Light pairing.

**Part One: Selfless**

**~.o.0.o.~**

Light knows that L considers him to be a selfish, petulant child.

Or rather, L considers _Kira_ to be such; but the distinction hardly matters because when all is said and done he _is_Kira, and Kira is more him than the Light Yagami that his father and family know.

It is ironic that the nameless, faceless strangers over the internet appreciate him, _see_ him more than the people who are supposed to know him the best. His family, his friends – counting only in the single digits and consisting of the names _Ryuusaki_ and _Misa_ – they see who they want to see; a picture perfect son, a devious homicidal megalomaniac, a flawless love. And there is pain in that; pain that belongs to a more selfish person than whom he strives to be.

L considers him to be selfish, but the truth is, Light is _selfless_.

Because if he was a selfish person he would let the world rot in its own stew of ignorance and violence. If he were selfish he would do something trivial with his life; become a computer hacker or a decoder or a world-class scientist; he would do something that didn't give justice to his intelligence but that would bring in the money anyway.

If he were selfish he would give up the entire Kira persona; forego the Death Note once again, losing all of his memories and becoming the simple Light Yagami who still fails to see the world for what it is; irredeemable, unsalvageable. If he were selfish he would allow himself to respect L – to admire him, challenge him, _love_ him in a way that he knows he could if only he could allow himself to acknowledge that they are one and the same below all of the meaningless crap that makes them different.

But he isn't selfish; despite all logic he still believes that if he tries his hardest, if he beats the best, if he becomes something akin to God in that no one can challenge him, then and only then can he die and shout proudly, triumphantly; _I have made a difference_. It will be tiny and pointless, but for one glorious moment he will make the world ripple.

He isn't stupid. He isn't a naive idealist like L likes to believe. Nor is he an egotistical megalomaniac.

He is Light Yagami; he is Kira; he is the person that will stand up for the world when no one else will; when no one else can. He will stand proud in the face of the world's cries of hatred, bathe in the riotous approval of the uneducated masses and weep for none of the people whom he will fell in the path to a better world.

He won't even cry for the innocent, selfish boy who had been strong enough to love that had been shed so very long ago – like a _costume,amask,anoldskin,apairofpantsgrowntoosmall _– and is it just him or is somebody _crying?_

He had shed his love, his life so very long ago – all for the sake of a world that reviles him.

Sometimes he wonders what he wouldn't give for L to be right.

**~.o.0.o.~**

**A/N2: **So there's Part One; Part Two will have L's reflections. :) Should be up within the next couple of days.

**Authors Request:**Please leave a review! Any and all commentary is more than welcome, and creative criticism would be so helpful; halfway through this I decided to change the tense. Please let me know if i've missed something. ^.^

Thank you for reading!


	2. Part Two

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Death Note.

**A/N: **Here's the second part, as promised. :) I hope you enjoy it!

**Warnings:** This part contains the implication of slash of the L/Light variety, more so than Part One did. It also mentions L's real name. If you don't like please don't read.

**Part Two: Selfish**

**~.o.0.o.~**

Lawliet is an inherently selfish person; he knows it, denies it and ultimately lives it.

He likes to pretend that he isn't; likes to tell Watari, the Kira investigation team and most especially Light that he is hunting Kira for the betterment of the world. But he isn't.

If he had such noble desires as the happiness of society he would probably let Kira go; the egotistical megalomaniac has certainly cut crime rates down more in the last couple of months than what he has achieved in the previous few years. He knows it won't last of course; soon Kira's reign will end, one way or the other, and the seedier aspects of society will again bloom. Sometimes, when he looks into Light's guileless eyes, he thinks that Kira knows this too.

No; he isn't fighting for such a selfless reason. He didn't become the world's top three private detectives to improve the world or fight for justice or anything else so trivial.

He became L because he was bored.

He has always been far too smart; in some of his more illogical, fanciful moments he often thinks that something had gone wrong at his conception, that his soul was too dark, too intelligent for this world. He knows that he far surpasses any of the lowly, frightfully dim organisms that co-inhabit the Earth with him, and quite frankly it's a miracle he hasn't turned out more warped than he already is.

He created the L persona out of boredom; out of a need to be challenged.

He hadn't been, of course; not in any life-altering, astoundingly impactful way – not until Kira, anyhow.

Kira – now there is a person who is cut from the same cloth as him; that belongs in the same world that had spawned him and spat him into this one. Kira lights a fire in his blood that he has never felt before; the mass-murderer raises his hackles and sends delicious tingles rushing down his spine in an excitement that is alien in his dull and colourless world.

And when he had met Light Yagami for the first time, he knew, with an absolute certainty; this is his equal, his counterpart, his one-and-only. This young man with shadowed, bottomless eyes is Kira, and he is _his. _

If he was a more selfless person he would take Light; chain him to him in a more irrevocable way than the metal links that connected them ever could. He would convince Light to forego his pointless, homicidal plan, to give up the martyr that Kira is and to stay with him in this unsalvageable world, let it rot in its ignorance, let it be happy in its desire for flawed and meaningless justice. He would save the lives of hundreds, thousands, only to be rewarded by something brighter and sweeter than he could ever have thought to expect.

But he isn't selfless; he can't bear to give up the challenge now that it has finally been answered, even if it would mean that countless lives would live to see another day, that he would have the precious, fleeting chance to be happy. He can't give up now; the love of the game is rushing through his blood and he wants, more than anything, to see it to its grand finale, its dramatic and inevitable conclusion. There can only be one winner and L wants to beat Light, to best _him_ – _hisequal,hisbetter,hisallimportantperson – _to prove himself worthy of him.

Sometimes, when he looks at Light in those moments where no one else exists but them, he thinks that Light can read him as clear as day; that he knows him for the selfish monster that he really is.

**~.o.0.o.~**

**A/N2:** There you go! I hope you enjoyed it. :)

**Authors Request:** Please leave a review! I would love to hear from you. ^.^


End file.
